Just before beginning this entry, I let out a big sigh.

I am so frustrated with the world right now. It seems so chaotic and downright depressing. I wonder if it has always been this way and we are just becoming more aware of the negatives. Or perhaps it is getting worse, a message repeatedly conveyed by the media. Either way, us Americans, who are used to being spoiled rotten, are hurting. I feel selfish complaining about my problems, but please just bear with me. The optimism in my last entry has gone missing. Can somebody please find it for me? I feel like I am in rat race when it comes to the job market - countless throngs of hungry people all aiming to get the same job and accompanying paycheck. I have been relentlessly searching for a job to replace one of the two I have now. Not many places seem to be hiring for the positions I am actually qualified for. When I do apply for one, I either do not get a response or I receive a brief template rejection explaining that my resume has many good qualities, but I am just not what they are looking for. At least the Ritz-Carlton sent me a letter via snailmail - neatly typed on fancy blue stationary. I am almost tempted to apply for any job as long as it pays more than what I am making now. School starts soon and a tuition awaits me. I refuse to get a loan unless I absolutely have to, which is why I am working two jobs this summer. Debt seems to be the source of many people's problems these days. Not everyone can get a scholarship or have well-off parents willing to dole out thousands of dollars each semester. Instead of life-long dreams, are all that is awaiting today's youth a future full of bills, night school, multiple jobs, and debts that seem to grow instead of decrease each payment? The carefully laid out four year plan turns into a ten year plan. It may or may not produce a diploma and an educated citizen ready to contribute something important to this world. Many will probably say to heck with it and settle for part-time "college student" jobs that turned into full-time careers because at the end of the day, it's good enough.

I am probably one of those on the ten year plan. Have you ever felt like the kid in class that is behind everyone because they're struggling for one reason or another? That's me. I feel awful because I should have graduated college this year like the rest of my high school senior class of '04. Meanwhile, I am still stuck in community college (which refuses to be called a "community" college when it really is one) in hopes of transferring to a university. What frustrates me the most is that the place I am in right now does not feel good enough for me. I want to get my bachelor's degree while I'm still in my twenties and be able to travel before I am eligible for a senior's discount. With tuition and the cost of everything else going up, it all seems just out of my reach while I am struggling to save money for my education.

I am trying to be optimistic. I am. It's just hard to stay positive when that optimism is constantly tested. Hopefully, I am not alone.