One of my friends from work recently started writing on Blogger. I completely forgot about my own blog, which I let accumulate two years-worth of internet dust. After several attempts of trying to access my account and then running through the Google stuff, I finally unlocked a piece of my history.
When I read my friend's blog and then skimmed over my old entries, I realized how much I miss writing down my thoughts. For months, I have felt very alone in wandering throughout a vast and tangled collection of emotions. I even lost myself for a while. Of course, I confided in family and friends, but I have been yearning to pour my heart out to something that would not judge me, give me unwanted advice, or confuse me when, instead, I desperately needed a clear head. Tonight, I realized that what I really needed was to start writing again... immediately. I put it off for such a long time. Why did I wait so long?!
It would take several entries to recap in detail what has happened to me in the last two years, but what I can write now is that I grew up... a lot. Back in 2006, I last wrote about my excitement in going to Europe again. There, I saw places I had only been able to imagine before. I explored Prague and thought I stepped into a fairy tale. I flip-flopped from rustic Buda to cosmopolitan Pest and back again before taking a romantic night cruise between them on the Danube River. My last trip that summer took me to war-torn Croatia, a mountainous and rocky country still rough around the edges from an old war that seems all-too recent. Was 2007 somewhere in the last two years? I cannot seem to remember much of it. I did press on as a bookseller like an engine running out of steam - burned out and struggling to move an inch farther. Even to this day, I still cannot detach myself from that place.
Ah, yes, now I remember what I did last year. Last summer, I visited Poland and fell in love for the first time. Let's put it this way: Girl meets boy, falls in love, goes back home, girl misses boy, gives up school for a semester and makes enough money for a second trip for the holidays. Girl has a wonderful time up until boy confesses he and girl's older cousin betrayed girl. Girl is devastated, but forgives boy. Girl goes home after ringing in 2008, comes to her senses, and dumps unworthy boy.
Needless to say, 2008 did not begin well, though it has improved by leaps and bounds. I learned many lessons in love and life. As I wrote above, I lost myself. I was blinded and utterly intoxicated by what I thought was love. When I did have a clear moment, an experience that feels like you just drank a glass of refreshing water, I did not know this person I became. Hopes and dreams that I spent a lifetime waiting for were about to disappear, all for a life with someone that was not worthy of me. After I released myself from this relationship, I became myself again and it feels GOOD. I have so much to look forward to. School is starting again in the fall. My first real love, journalism, has come back to me. Oh, and I am definitely going on another big trip next summer, maybe with some friends. It's going to be the best summer after this one.
I feel happy again because after a taking a slight (and rocky) detour, my life is heading in the right direction.
When I read my friend's blog and then skimmed over my old entries, I realized how much I miss writing down my thoughts. For months, I have felt very alone in wandering throughout a vast and tangled collection of emotions. I even lost myself for a while. Of course, I confided in family and friends, but I have been yearning to pour my heart out to something that would not judge me, give me unwanted advice, or confuse me when, instead, I desperately needed a clear head. Tonight, I realized that what I really needed was to start writing again... immediately. I put it off for such a long time. Why did I wait so long?!
It would take several entries to recap in detail what has happened to me in the last two years, but what I can write now is that I grew up... a lot. Back in 2006, I last wrote about my excitement in going to Europe again. There, I saw places I had only been able to imagine before. I explored Prague and thought I stepped into a fairy tale. I flip-flopped from rustic Buda to cosmopolitan Pest and back again before taking a romantic night cruise between them on the Danube River. My last trip that summer took me to war-torn Croatia, a mountainous and rocky country still rough around the edges from an old war that seems all-too recent. Was 2007 somewhere in the last two years? I cannot seem to remember much of it. I did press on as a bookseller like an engine running out of steam - burned out and struggling to move an inch farther. Even to this day, I still cannot detach myself from that place.
Ah, yes, now I remember what I did last year. Last summer, I visited Poland and fell in love for the first time. Let's put it this way: Girl meets boy, falls in love, goes back home, girl misses boy, gives up school for a semester and makes enough money for a second trip for the holidays. Girl has a wonderful time up until boy confesses he and girl's older cousin betrayed girl. Girl is devastated, but forgives boy. Girl goes home after ringing in 2008, comes to her senses, and dumps unworthy boy.
Needless to say, 2008 did not begin well, though it has improved by leaps and bounds. I learned many lessons in love and life. As I wrote above, I lost myself. I was blinded and utterly intoxicated by what I thought was love. When I did have a clear moment, an experience that feels like you just drank a glass of refreshing water, I did not know this person I became. Hopes and dreams that I spent a lifetime waiting for were about to disappear, all for a life with someone that was not worthy of me. After I released myself from this relationship, I became myself again and it feels GOOD. I have so much to look forward to. School is starting again in the fall. My first real love, journalism, has come back to me. Oh, and I am definitely going on another big trip next summer, maybe with some friends. It's going to be the best summer after this one.
I feel happy again because after a taking a slight (and rocky) detour, my life is heading in the right direction.
