I am Magdalena

Ever since I began my educational career in preschool, I was known as Maggie to everyone – my teachers, friends, and pretty much anyone who would look at my real first name with a perplexed expression. Only my family members called me Magda or some endearing variation of it whether it was Madzia or Magdusia, etc. Since I started college in September, I have been trying to get everyone to call me either Magda or Magdalena. I suppose it’s because I am in the phase of my where I am creating an adult identity and attempting to find myself in a mass of confusion. “Maggie” just sounds so juvenile, overly playful, or a name you would give to a small yippy dog. If I think Maggie is a playful name, then you must assume that by going by Magda, I want to be taken as a serious person. That is absolutely not the case. I feel more comfortable with Magdalena. It is the name my parents gave me when I was born, it suits my personality, and after all, I am Polish, so why shouldn’t I go by a Polish name?

It has been tough trying to get people to call me by what I prefer being called. School is not a problem since I introduced myself as Magdalena from the beginning. Work is a different story. Some people make an honest effort to call me Magda or Magdalena. Others take it as some kind of joke and assume that I will forget about it and go back to being Maggie again. I understand that many of my coworkers and managers have known me as Maggie for almost a year, and it’s difficult to call a person something else when they get so used to the original name. Ultimately, is it really that much to ask for when I want to be called by my real name?

In a few words, I am so frustrated with myself. I keep spending money on overpriced coffee at Starbucks, and charge purchases on my credit card without even thinking twice about it. If I don’t change something, I’ll probably end up being a full-blown coffee addict with a large credit debt by next year.

Not only that, but I have been neglecting my studies lately, my eating habits are less than healthy, and I am absolutely loathing my job. My priorities are fucked up. I keep telling myself I am going to do something; then, as usual, the procrastinator/slacker side of my kicks and the thought is shoved aside. I am nineteen-years-old for goodness sake. Although I may think I have taken responsibility of my life, I can hardly prove it with my latest behavior.

Firstly, I need to stop spending money on Starbucks. I don’t have to give it up completely, but my intake needs a severe cutback. As humiliated as I am to admit it, I buy two coffees a day even though after the first one, I promise myself I won’t get another one later. I’ve tried to leave all my money and cards at home, yet I somehow seem to get my hands on one when a nice coworker offers to buy. Bah.

Secondly, if school is to become a top priority, I have to actually study and do homework and balance it with recreational time and work. Ever since I took a promotion, the seven days of the week are spent either at work, at school, or on Tuesdays and Thursdays, both in the same day. A lot of people can juggle both school and full-time work with ease. I just started school, and I have not been doing so well with the whole balance thing. I am seriously considering taking a demotion next semester. I have discovered that I am not putting my heart into figuring out what I want to do for the rest of my life. In order to do that, I think I need to step back, focus on school, and enjoy my youth at a pace I can manage.

Sure, I work well under pressure, but the stress at the store is just not worth it. One might say, “Yeah, welcome to the Real World.” To be honest, the “Real World” sucks for a lot of people, but it does not have to suck for me. I am in control of my life and I want to mold it into something I will be proud of in the end. I only get one chance. I don’t want to blow it.