Growing up

I am another year older and hopefully a little wiser. Nineteen means that this is my last year as a teenager before entering my twenties and then thirties beyond that. I’ve been alive for almost twenty years, but I still have so much to learn.

I finally started college this month with four classes that include anthropology, Spanish, math, and art appreciation. It’s been only three weeks; however, I already find myself changing a bit every day. I used to be embarrassed showing off what reflects my personality since I really don’t like drawing a lot of attention to myself (I hate it when people stare at me). One example is if I’m playing my favorite music in my car with the volume up and my windows down. I used to turn down the volume at traffic lights so people would not turn and give me strange looks for the type of music I’m listening to. I don’t listen to rap, punk, or the typical genres of music you would hear on a radio station. Lately, I find myself listening to Arab techno, a fusion of traditional Middle Eastern music and modern club beats. How many people do you see rolling down the street with drums and almost indecipherable Arabic blaring out of the windows? Not many – unless you’re stuck in a Cairo gridlock.

I realize that I am caring less and less about what people think of me when I speak my mind or bring out my personality. It’s ironic because all my life I always wanted to be different from everyone else, but I did not want to get the attention a person who deviates from the norm receives.

As I mentioned in my previous entry, I am going to travel by myself in Europe next year. I am excited and curious to see what I’ll discover during my travels – both about myself and the world. For most of my life I have been sheltered and protected every step of the way by my parents. I’ve depended on them for everything: shelter, food, transportation, etc. The transition into adulthood still proves to be a confusing and difficult one. During high school they would make it seem like going to college was a shift that would be quick and maybe a little painless. To me it’s an ongoing process. Hitting eighteen does not instantly make somebody an adult. I’m still growing and learning so much about the world that, to be honest, is hard to deal with. Sure, I still live with my parents, but that does not mean I need to put off real responsibilities until I move out. I can start learning to take care of myself while I am lucky enough to be in this point of my life. The only way to learn, at least for me, is to actually go out and see if I can survive a week or two out of my comfort zone by myself. I expect that a lot of people will ask why I have to go across the world to do this when I can take a road trip somewhere in my own country. I don’t think I would learn as much if I went to New York City or Boston. They are different places, but the same lifestyle and ideas would still be there. I got a small taste of a different way of life and perspective on the world when I collectively spent six months in Poland. I want to explore more and see how well I can manage while living in a completely foreign environment.

Whether or not it is dangerous is a completely different subject. I can just as well get kidnapped, murdered, or mugged here in Vegas. In one aspect, it would be more of a danger to me in the long run if I did not go to Europe. If I never learned how to take care of myself until I moved out, say at twenty-seven, it would be even more difficult to cope with at that age. This experience could potentially make me a much better person and help my journey into adulthood.

I would be lying if I said that I was not afraid. Though it is exhilarating to think of this adventure, I am absolutely terrified at the prospect of traveling by myself in a foreign country. I will totally depend on myself, and I would not be able to shove problems away for someone else to solve.

BS aside, I just want to have this experience. I don’t have binding responsibilities holding me back. I go to school during the fall and spring, and I can take an extended leave of absence from work if I desired. I have eight months to save money, and if I am wise in my planning, I should be able to eat and rest in decent places.

Now if only my parents would stop rolling their eyes.